Amy Stark's Books

 It can be hard to be happy,  but not impossible. It takes work just like anything else. Sometimes it is cutting out negative and toxic people. For some it is quiting a  job and finding one that makes them happy. For others it is about cutting ties with all negative and toxic friends and relationships which also can be family sometimes. It is about finding things that make you happy. Do what makes you happy. Don't let people tell you how to live your life or let them live it for you.  It is your life. Listen to that music,  do silly dances, have quality time with people who care and love you,  paint your nails, color a picture,  fish, swim, or whatever hobby you like. Those are examples.  Just better you for you not for others. Do it for you. I hope you find that happiness. If you are miserable find someone to talk to even if it's a therapist. Don't feel embarrassed about going to ask for help.  Sometimes we need extra help.  That is nothing to be embarrassed about. If peop

 

 For many years I have settled for less than what I deserve. I've settled in relationships with men who were not always nice. Some were very toxic. I have settled for friends who didn't make time to call, text, or come see me. Listened to countless excuses. Had friends who aren't very nice and some that have crossed personal boundaries over the years. I used to think it was normal.  Used to overlook the behavior. Thought I wasn't good enough.  Didn't love myself. Felt ugly.  Thought maybe this one will like me for me. Also thought maybe this one will love me. Felt worthless. Jumped in before really getting to know them.  I thought maybe I can save or fix them. It took me awhile to love me. Took me awhile to realize I deserve better.  Deserve to be a first choice not second or last. I deserve friends who treat me nicely and make an effort to call, text, or see me. I am done with the I am always busy. People make time for people they care about. I'm done making ex

 Merry Christmas everyone!! Hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and that you had a wonderful day!! Much love and light to you all.

I wrote these short stories around Halloween because I wanted to try something new. Wanted people to have something to read that would suck them into the stories. Hope you will check it out and share it with your family and friends. https://www.amazon.com/Haunted-Vampire-Masquerade-Unforgettable-Birthday-ebook/dp/B08QDW2PJB/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&qid=1608694528&refinements=p_27%3AAmy+E+Stark&s=books&sr=1-4&text=Amy+E+Stark  

 Merry Christmas Eve!! I hope you are having a wonderful day!!

 Here recently I finished another chapter in Psychic Vampire Prophecies Volume 5. I am getting closer and closer to the end. Alexis has a lot of new adventures ahead of her in life and family. 

 Good evening beauties!! Hope you had a wonderful Wednesday!!

 Sometimes during the holidays we lose track of what is important. It isn't about the perfect gift or gifts at all. It is spreading love and cheer to everyone. We all have struggles and need some cheer. We should be spreading love and cheer all year long not just on the holidays. It is about family and friends. The biggest thing is about showing them and reminding them how much we care. It is about being grateful for what we have all year long. Appreciating what we have is more important that what we get or what we want. There are times where we are more about what we want than what we need along with the want want want. Be happy with what you get. It should come from the heart. Thank those who do give you anything and don't expect people to give you something. It should be about giving. Spread love and cheer maybe you will make someone's day or year. We need to stop losing track of what is important. It is important to ask your loved ones how they are doing and being there

 Raw Emotions Let Out by Amy Stark is now Available on Amazon for $10 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08R4FTX6H/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1608685884&sr=1-3

 Please help me by subscribing to my YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoaGm-kRj3nbS-EPpSuLdwA

I published this poetry book last night. It is available on Kindle for $2.99 and Free on KindleUnlimited. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08R3S8SDM/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&qid=1608581695&refinements=p_27%3AAmy+Stark&s=digital-text&sr=1-1&text=Amy+Stark  

 Good morning beauties!! Have a wonderful Monday and week!!

 I just finished writing another poetry book. When it is available to buy I will let you know. I just submitted it to Amazon and Kindle for publication. This will make my 3rd book that I have published this year.

 Sometimes you need to put your phone away and have time with family and friends.  During that time eat a meal without letting the phone be an interruption. Actually talk to each other without having the phone out. We all all getting more and more guilty of this. Put it away when hanging out.  Watch a movie, play a game, or something without the phone.  You miss out on so much otherwise.

 Things are starting to speed up in Psychic Vampire Prophecies Volume 5. Alexis and her love life is up in the air. She has a lot of new things going on. Making new friends along the way. 

 Good morning beauties!! Have a wonderful day and weekend!! Happy Friday to you all!! Much love. 

 Today I was looking over how many books that I have published over the years. When I started counting I wasn't exactly sure how many I had published and come to find out I have published in total 20 books which I think is awesome. I am currently working on a few now. Hopefully another one will be finished before Christmas or before 2020 is over. It is a poetry book. I am aiming to put 100 poems into it. A lot of my books are poetry. Some are science fiction/fantasy and one romance novel so far. Writing is what makes me happy and I will continue to do it because of how happy that it makes me. All of my books except the first 4 were self-published. All of them are available on Amazon. The first 4 are not on Kindle the others are.  My Feelings Unleashed and Let Out Bottled Up Feelings Unleashed Freed From My Chains Letting it All Out Psychic Vampire Prophecies Volume 1-4 Unexpected Christmas Romance Otherworld Dimensions Within Reaching Out Ups and Downs in Life Emotions Flowing Out

 If you want to succeed don't step on others to get there. Don't take advantage of people who help and support you. Work hard at your dream and goals, but not at the expense of others. That's just wrong. Sometimes your dreams and goals might not pan out at the time. You might fail. That's okay that doesn't mean give up. That doesn't mean drag others through the mud. Just because you are going through it doesn't mean others have to go along for the ride. Sometimes you have to put out extra work to see results. There might be things you haven't tried doing that you need to try. Get out of your comfort zone and just try. If you want to succeed you have to keep trying and not give up. Don't make everyone do the work for you. It is okay to ask for help. Don't forget the ones who support you. Give them a shout out. Be supportive of them. They might have helped you get to where you are today. Be grateful and thankful.

 Good afternoon beauties!! Hope you have a wonderful Thursday!!

 Hello everybody. How are you doing? I hope you are all doing great. If you are doing okay it is better than horrible. I understand these are rough times. That doesn't mean become cold hearted. That does not mean to become cruel to each other. It doesn't mean argue all the time. That does not mean it is okay to go around hating. People wake up. Stop being blind. You are in control of you. Yes, you heard me. No one is in control of what you say or what you do, but you. Now with that being said I have a lot to say. Each and every one of us need to start being kind to one another. Why?  I know you are all questioning why?!?! We all go through struggles each and every day. All of us are going through something and you don't see it. People tend to wear a mask.  They don't want others to see it. Stop being so hateful. Quit being so ungrateful and be grateful for what you have in life. If you need a time out then take a time out and then talk to the people you are arguing with

Have you ever tried to help or please people to much? I know that I have over the years. Have had a bad habit of not telling people no. They end up taking advantage of me or using me. Sometimes I wonder are they aware of it? I think some know what they are doing, which is sad. The things I do are out of the kindness of my heart and that doesn't give people the right to use me or take advantage. Some act like they appreciate me. Some say thank you. Do they really mean it? Some yes and others not at all. There are some people who will take advantage and use you until they have no need or use of you or they got bored of you. It is sad but true. I am learning that I need to trust my gut and learn to tell people no. That I deserve better. 

 Good afternoon beauties!! I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday. Much love to you all.

 There are good people left. Don't forget them. They are the ones who listen.  When things go bad they are there for you.  They support you.  The ones who inspire and build you up. They are the ones who help. The ones who take time out to call you, text, or come see you. They ask how you are doing . 

 Good evening beauties!! Hope you had a wonderful Monday!!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08QDW2PJB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_q9o1FbKT1W9KD   Now available in paperback for $6.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08QDW2PJB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_zcd1FbB5749CD  

 Right now working on mental health is very important. Mental health is always very important. Don't ever neglect your mental health. Mental health is important because it can make your physical health go down health. When battling your mental health you can feel exhausted all the time. There will be days you don't want to get out of bed. You don't want to do anything. The simple things in life just seem so big. People think you are lazy when you aren't lazy at all. You just feel so overwhelmed by everything. It feels like you can't breath and the world is ending. Things just seem to pile up. You feel like the world is weighing you down. Get help for your mental health. Talk to people. Use those coping skills. I know that it is even hard to do things you enjoy doing. Do things for yourself. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Write your feelings down. Go see a therapist and don't feel ashamed about it. Don't let others make you feel ashamed to do it. There is nothin

 Happy Friday to you all. I hope that you all have an amazing weekend!!

 If you like wrestling go like this page on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/SCW17

 https://www.facebook.com/AmysBookandPhotographyWorld Please go like my page if you have Facebook. Thank you. Much appreciated.

 Help people without wanting something. Don't help people and expect to get something out of it. You should do it because you want to do it. Don't do it if you feel obligated to do it. Do not make people feel bad for needing help. We all need help in some form or fashion. Sometimes we need the extra help. There are times we all struggle. Don't look down on people for it. Sometimes people need motivated. There are times people lose sight. We all started somewhere. Do it out of the kindness out of your heart. Don't hold it over there head. Do not make them feel like you owe them. No one owes you anything. 

 Please subscribe to SCW Arkansas wrestling on YouTube.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyPDGErpqke1iOKomY3UhdQ

 You are not your past. Stop living there. I understand it is rough.  It is okay to reflect and learn from it.  Sometimes we will repeat mistakes over and over again.  Take control of your life. Live it. Be grateful for what you have. Life is one big learning experience and no one is perfect. 

 As people we need to learn that we deserve the best.  We need to stop settling for less. Realize our worth. Know that we are worth it. Yes, we will struggle.  We will go through bad things.  We can handle anything life throws at us.Cut people out who aren't ever there for you,  lie to you,  use you, manipulate you, repeatedly cheat on you,  manipulate you, emotionally abuse you,  bully you , physically harm you,  control you, make you feel like it is always your fault,  and the list goes on and on.  You don't deserve people doing that to you. It is okay to tell people no. Don't let people walk on you or push you to the side. Stop settling for that. You deserve healthy friendships and relationships with family,  friends,  and partners.  Don't allow people to treat you badly. You deserve to be happy and loved.

 

 It might be hard to obtain your dreams and goals, but it isn't impossible. Anything is possible if your try. It takes hard work and dedication. You might give up from time to time. You might even fail. That doesn't mean give up or stop trying. It is possible you might need to reevaluate and try something different. You can do anything you set your mind to. Don't give up on it if you truly love doing it. You might get frustrated. It is possible you might hit a brick wall. Pick yourself up and try again. It is your dream and goals. When people say you can't do it ignore them. Do you. You got this. 

 Good morning beauties!! Have a wonderful Monday!! Have a great week. May your dreams and goals come true.

 Sometimes I battle anxiety for many different reasons. Sometimes I end up over messaging people when I do and don't mean to.  I end up thinking did I over do it and over think. I try to get through it by writing,  sleeping,  watching movies or TV shows, walking,  taking pictures, baths,  and other things. It can be overwhelming sometimes and trying to figure out what is going to work because the same stuff doesn't work every day. 

 Thank you all who support me. 

 When it comes to getting healthy I feel like I self sabotage and not on purpose. I guess it is the many years of procrastination. I've been working on my mental and physical health. There are days I want to beat my head into the wall. It can be so emotional when it comes to health or mental either which way. I am trying to do better at cutting people out who don't need to be in my life. Not sure I've learnt my lesson when it comes to people using me. We shall see. I do need to work a lot more on the physical health and get into shape because I am sliding down hill and not liking it. Who can change it? Only I can change it. No one can fix me but me. Just like no one can make me happy but me. I need to learn how to motivate and retrain my thinking. I am always telling people they can do it. I guess I need to start with some goals on certain things. Goal one is lose weight and not massive amounts at a time. I don't do diets because the first 3 letters spell out DIE, so no

 Not everyone is going to fit in your circle and that's okay. Some people are going to act like they are for you when they really aren't for you.  They want to watch you fail and fall apart. There are going to be people who fake friendships with you.  They talk behind your back and say bad things about you.  Some don't defend you in your absence. It is about quality friendship over quantity. Sometimes the people you have known the longest aren't about you.  Sometimes the ones you have known longest don't support you and aren't really there. It is up to you to cut them out of your life. 

 Have you ever felt like you are a burden? I have felt like a burden to others plenty of times. People have asked me why before and I sit and contemplate it. Maybe I put expectations those people can't fulfill. Sometimes maybe I overshare. I am starting to realize I am not for everybody and need to accept that a little more than thinking I am a burden to others.  I need to try to swallow that and recognize the ones who are truly there and do care. It is all about retraining thinking. I know that I am not a burden though sometimes feel that way. We probably all have those moments whether we choose to admit it or not. 

 Good morning beauties!! Have a wonderful day and weekend!! Happy Friday!!

 Want to hide  Want to run Don't want others to see me Lost Wearing a mask All you see is a smile Drowning  Swallowed whole Feel empty Numb Heart racing Thoughts 90 to nothing Up and downs Rollercoaster Pull yourself up Dust yourself off You can do it Be the best you Don't let others make you cold Don't fake what you feel by-Me

 People think they have the right to know everything about you and they don't have the right to know. It is okay to not share things with people. They don't have the right to know things that has to do with your life. Sometimes people think they are giving good advice when all they are giving is opinions. They tell you how you should live your life. It is your life. Live it for you. Do what is right for you. Do what makes you happy and not what makes everyone else happy. Stop bending over backwards for people who won't or don't support you, aren't there for you, and who won't do the same for you. Stop over sharing. Focus on what is best for you. See who is going to show up when things are bad. If they can't be there through the bad then they don't deserve to be there through the good and see you shine. If they make it out like they have the right to know that's when you say this is my life and get in your lane and focus on you. Not everyone deserves

 Thank you for supporting me everyone. I appreciate everything that you do for me. Thanks for all the likes, comments, shares, and all that you do for me each and every day. I appreciate all of you.

 There are so many people in this world who going around judging people. Even I am guilty of this. We are all guilty of this. It isn't right though. None of us are perfect. We are all a work in progress. Rather than tearing people down we should be building them up. We should all be more supportive of each other. Take a good look in the mirror at your own life before going around telling people how they should live their life or what they need to do with their life. People you need to stop shaming people. As people we beat ourselves up enough without needing help from others. Accept people as they are or get out of their life. Be supportive of others. Think of other peoples feelings other than your own. Stop judging.

 Sometimes you have to do things for yourself and treat yourself. Do not let others make you feel bad about doing things for you. Buy yourself that outfit you wanted, shoes, movie, or whatever. Take yourself out to eat. Go to a movie. Go fishing. You don't always have to include family or friends in what you are doing. Sometimes as people we need time to decompress. Take that relaxing bath or shower. Go fishing or walking. Do what you enjoy doing. It is healthy for your mental health.

 Good Morning beauties!! Have a wonderful first day of December!! May all your dreams come true.

 Thank you all who support me. I appreciate everything that you do for me. It means the world to me. Thanks for liking, reading, sharing, commenting, and everything. Y'all are awesome!!

 When it comes to all relationships communication is the key. Now days people don't communicate. Stop bringing everyone into your relationships with friends and partners. That is between you and those people not everyone and what is going on between you all. Listen to your friends. Listen to your partners. Sometimes you need to just shut up. Be empathetic. If you can't solve the problem at that point go back to it and talk about it later. Take time out to ask how your friends or partner are. Don't always make people check on you first. Stop making excuses about how you are bad about getting back to people. Stop making excuses that you are to busy. Most of you are scrolling social media clicking like buttons and posting things yet don't even check on the ones you say you care about. Make time for people you care about because you don't know if they are going to stick it out with you anymore or time in life is short. Don't take people you care about for granted. M

 It is not okay to let people run you over. Stop letting people run you over. You are in control of yourself. Sometimes we think we can help people and unless they want to help themselves it doesn't work out. Stop letting toxic people ruin your life. It is okay to help people. Learn when to say no. Do not let people use and take advantage of you because they will. Do not let people make you feel bad for being yourself. Do not let people turn you cold hearted. Stop being a follower and lead. Be happy being you. Love you. Don't let others make you feel bad for cutting people out of your life. It is your life.Do what is right by you.

 Happy Friday to you all. 

 We need to start supporting those who support us because it is only fair to do so. Stop competing with others. We all go at our own pace. We all have something to bring to the table. Stop complaining. No one wants to support someone who complains all the time.  Build each other up.  Stop tearing each other down. We all have something we are going through.  Be kind to one another.  Help each other out and thank each other. 

 Been working on Psychic Vampire Prophecies Volume 5 and am currently trying to finish this chapter. It is going to be a super long chapter because there is a lot to cram into this chapter. Am trying to figure out how to end the book. I know how I want to end it but have a lot of ends to tie up before I can end it.

 Happy Thanksgiving to you all and may you be very thankful and blessed.

 Even with all the bad things that have happened this year, I have had plenty of good things happen this year. I've found out who a lot of my real friends are during all of this. Still finding out who some of those friends truly are during this. I've learnt some patience and know that I'm not in control of everything and that I can only control myself. Been working on my mental health and physical health to get the answers I need. I've sold some books. Replaced the car that caught on fire. Been working on being the best me that I can be. Things I am thankful for are my kids, family, friends, people who support me, that I sold some books, made some new friends, having a roof over my head, food, clothes, and much more. I am very grateful. I might get down about things at times and I work each and every day on that.

 Alexis has been working hard on being the best leader that she can be. There are days that she wonders is she doing good enough. She is learning that taking help doesn't make you weak. All she wants to do is her best and she gets discouraged.

 People start talking about what they are thankful for because of Thanksgiving coming up and it makes me sick. It makes me sick because they don't all act thankful all year long. It is like why just say you are grateful one time a year. There is plenty to be thankful for all year long. Right now some think there isn't a lot to be thankful for during a pandemic even.  They are just looking at the bad in the world. Yes, we have a lot of bad going on. I  am not saying don't acknowledge the bad, but don't let the good be snuffed out.  Let the good news be told. Let us shine through these dark trying times. Let us spread love and not hate. Most importantly be appreciative of what you have and be thankful all year long. 

 Tonight I am all dressed up in a renaissance dress to go to a renaissance ball this Halloween with some friends in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere to celebrate my 18th birthday. My boyfriend picks me up at six and we go out to eat with our friends. Before we leave the house he gives me a gift to open and it is a heart shaped locket with our picture in it. I thank him for the gift and give him a kiss. He just stares at me for the longest. I am wearing a  sapphire blue renaissance dress and my black hair is curled with it pulled half way up. As for him he is wearing a suit. "You look beautiful," Adam tells me. "Happy Birthday." "You don't look bad yourself," I say smiling at him. He drives us to the steakhouse were we are meeting out friends for dinner. They are waiting for us and we order as soon as we sit down. "What is the plan after this ball Liz?" Marie asks me. Marie is a tall lanky blonde who is wearing a pink rena

 So far this month I have sold 3 books. That has made me very happy.  Hopefully I can sell a lot more.  I know it takes time.  For my birthday month I wanted to sell 100 as a goal and didn't reach that goal. It can get discouraging at times. I don't give up though.

When I said I would start walking I planned on sticking to it. I took a break for a week because female problems. Then the weather here has been haywire and I had a very nasty cough which has made it hard to breathe due to my asthma.  In the past few weeks I've been going to different doctors for numerous things from headaches to my bladder. When you don't have the answers it can get you down.  You are a lot less motivated. I am going to continue working on me. It is going to take time.

 

 This week I am taking a break from walking this week due to pain and other reasons. Trying to get house cleaned up before Saturday for my sons 16th birthday.  Tomorrow is his 16th birthday.  Also had therapy, eye doctor,  and MRI. I am working on mental health and physical health.  Both are very important. I am doing what I can to better myself. 

 Alexis is still on Vacation.  She is figuring out what she wants in life. There is still a lot she has to figure out. 

 Sometimes you support people and they do nothing to support you.  Sometimes they act nice and other times not so much. It is like they forget who helps them and wonder why no one barely supports them anymore.  The ones who engage, talk, listen,  and much more are awesome. The ones who check to see how you are doing.  Treat you like a human being and not just a fan. People need to stop and think about someone else other than themselves at times. Everyone needs people who are willing to listen. Pay it back to the ones who make an effort.  I appreciate the ones who do everything they do for me. That I'd the way it should be.

Today was the end of week 3 of walking.  I struggled a lot to stay motivated but made it through week 3. Even though I felt bad on some of those days more today than any of them I accomplished it so I am proud of myself. Not all so proud of some of my eating habits and will try to make a better effort with that. Everything is a slow progress and in time I will get there.

 Alexis is on vacation with family and friends for the summer in the part of the book that I am working on.  Haven't figured out where all she is going on Vacation to yet. Right now she is nearing an end of a camping trip.

 This week has beena battle of staying motivated yet I have stuck to it. Probably need to cut back a little on junk food. Some days I do really good and other days not so great. I think it's due to stress and emotional stuff going on. I have been doing other things to help with stress and emotional stuff. Maybe I need something else.  I am trying my best. I will update you after I finish week 3 of walking.

 

Don't try to push people to like you because it will run them off. If you start being clingy or acting all attached when you barely know them more than likely they will want to run. Take time to get to know people.  Be a friend first.  Saying I love you after a day or week of knowing someone isn't a wise idea either. In the beginning you are only attracted to how they look. You don't really know much about each other until month 6 and even then not fully.  Don't treat people like a piece of meat. If you have expectations of people be ready to be let down and disappointed which is on you not them. First dates should be getting a soda or some kind of beverage to talk or just some place in public to talk. You can't talk at a movie and to much can happen in the dark.  I  think dating is important along with boundaries a little bit.  Most people want to rush things. Slow down people and take your time.  Establish whether you like each other.  Call and text each other bec

 Right now at this point in my life I am focusing on bettering myself.  I'm working on my mental and physical health.  I think I am slowly making progress.  Other days I am not so sure.  One day I would like to work on dating again. I haven't had the best luck when it has come to men. Part of that is my own fault because I rushed things and didn't get to know them. There were times I didn't respect myself and thought I didn't deserve the best so I settled. Was used, lied to, manipulated,  emotionally abused,  and more. Some things I will not discuss or share. I know now that I deserve someone who is going to accept me for me,  love me back, wants me for more than a piece of meat, respects me, and much more.  Someone who isn't going to lie or cheat on me. I could go on and on. I  know it will happen when it happens. I am not looking for a fling. Enough about that. Writing helps a lot of my mental health.  Walking helps my physical and mental health.  The other th

 So many people have lost their way.  I have lost my way before also and sometimes still do. Sometimes we choose to take the hard way. There are times we should have listened.  It isn't ever to late to get back on track. So many are filled with hate. It is sad really. It takes less energy to dislike people than hate them. It is okay not to like the actions of people or how they treat you. It is okay to walk away from those people.  I know it isn't always easy to love people. Sometimes we say that others don't deserve love and I disagree with that. Everyone deserves love. Maybe if we as people set better examples just maybe things would get better and maybe even the most horrible people can learn from us. It is about being kind. Sometimes just asking someone how they are doing helps. Another example maybe if you smile at someone it could change their day. It is possible that people need help. There is nothing wrong with needing help. Stop tearing people down. We do that with

 Today makes 2 weeks that I started walking for 30 minutes.  I have had a few cokes. I'm going to just limit my take on how much rather than not have certain foods every now and then.  Maybe I will see better results that way. Next week is start of week 3 and I need to try to up the amount of time I walk and maybe find new places to walk so that I will continue to stay motivated even though it's hard. In the past I get discouraged or bored and give up.  For once I want to really try. 

 Sometimes you end up bending over backwards supporting others. Do they support you? Are they there for you? Some are there for you and support you as much as you support them.  Others don't do anything for you.  Yet you see how they support other people.  There are days all you do is listen and when you talk about you or try to finish a story they change the subject. Some people just want to take and take some more. It happens in real life and online. Some are only there when it is convenient for them. The many excuses you hear. People who care of love you make time. No one is always busy. It only takes a few minutes to ask how are you doing or say hi.  Some of them post all over social media and say they don't have time which makes you want to roll your eyes into the back of your head.  That or they say they don't have time for you , but make time for other people.  This is how friendships are lost along with relationships.  Sometimes you have to just be done.  Stop suppo

 Some days I just have days where I need to think alone. Sometimes I don't want to deal with people and want to isolate myself.  Being around people sometimes can be draining and that doesn't matter if you care about them. Everyone needs space sometimes.  There are times you have to be like hey people I am not peopling it today.  It isn't anything against them and sometimes it is against them.  Sometimes you just need YOU days. That doesn't make you selfish. We all need days to shut the world out. Part of it might be our depression or anxiety. It might just mean that you just need to relax with no interruptions. If people can't respect that it is possible you need to say something or cut them out of your life. 

 Today was another rainy walk. At first I thought of putting off my walk today because it was pouring down rain.  I took the walk because I know that I can't give up. Between the rain and wind I was happy to have that walk over for the day. I know I can't give up to get results.  There are days I get discouraged and that just means keep pushing. Sometimes you have to work really hard to accomplish what you want in life.

 In order to grow in life sometimes we have to make changes. Change can be scary. Some get stuck in a rut because they don't want to change. Sometimes we have to take those big leaps to achieve our dreams and goals.  Sometimes we have to do things in life that we don't like doing which is drilled into us by many people. There are times we have to get out of our comfort zone that we love so much. If you don't work on it you won't see results. You have to keep trying and not give up hope.Growth as a person is important. Sometimes you will fail.  Failure isn't a bad thing.  Even some of the most successful people have failed at something in life. They didn't become successful by not changing the outcome.  We are all a work in progress. It might be making friends,  moving to a new place, a job, emotionally,  and physically.  It can be anything you choose to work on. It does take work and you don't always see results right away. Take small steps to get there.  Yo

 Today I woke up and it's raining outside and I thought oh no my walk. I have been trying to walk 30 minutes every day. Even though it's raining I took my 30 minute walk. I found a poncho to wear and went for my walk in the rain and mud. I live on a dirt road that gets super muddy. I am going to keep trying to do my best which is all I can do.

 This weekend has truly been an eye opener.  When it comes to people you try to give them the benefit of the doubt and it isn't that you trust people. People have to earn trust so at first you give them the benefit of the doubt.  The moment they break that trust  or lie to you  that is when you start questioning should I keep this person around. If they tell one lie will they lie again.  The probability depending upon the lie is whether you can trust them again. Also you have to think were they doing it to cover their own butt, selfish reasons, or what. Sometimes you just have to cut those people out of your life because they are toxic. Yes, we have all told a lie at some point in our lives.  We are all guilty. Lies and secrets always have a way of coming out.  I am not perfect and make mistakes also. We all do. Live and learn from it. Sometimes we repeat mistakes over and over again.  I have come to a point in my life that if people who are toxic will be cut out of my life. I don&

 I wasn't sure how motivated I would be to go for my morning walk since it's a Saturday.  My oldest son woke me up and asked me whether I was going to take my morning walk. Him asking me whether I was going to take my walk or not motivated me to walk. I had a moment of weakness last night and ate later than I needed to. It is only week one of trying to make better health choices.  There are days I will struggle and have to try and try again. Not giving up.

This weekend I am going to work on my walking so more and I have a feeling I am going to struggle on the weekends.  I am going to do my best which is all I can do. I am going to watch more of my shows on Netflix.  When I am not doing that I will be writing or reading. I might do some streaming on YouNow. Debating on making new videos for YouTube. Spend time with kids. Not sure what I will get done. I will let you know how that all goes and works out. What are you doing for your weekend? Have a wonderful weekend.

In today's writing one of Alexis's friends wants to  make things good. He doesn't want to lose her. Will it get better? Time will tell.

Today was day 4 of my work out. I did my 30 minute walk. It  was a battle of mosquitoes which was a nightmare.  Since I have started walking, I have seen many of 5hem. I have also started working on a little yoga and stretching.  I am pacing myself.  Along my journey I will keep you updated.

Alexis talked to a friend who helped her understand the new character I just added. This friend feels like she deserved better answers considering how his wife and brother  -n- law acted. They didn't handle themselves right which in turn made Alexisva little upset and mad. She doesn't respond well to people telling her what to do or who she can or can not talk to. Still trying to cram a lot into this chapter so I can move on to the next chapter.

When it comes to mental health it is something you should take care of. Depression and anxiety can make your physical health worse than what it could be. I suffer from depression and anxiety.  Some days are better than others.  It is a battle that's for sure. I got the help I needed to try to help become the best me that I can be. I am slowly making changes and trying the best that I can.  Sometimes I go to a dark place and don't mean to. It happens though.  Sometimes I am super hard on myself.  Our worst enemy is ourselves. We don't need people to tear us down. We are guilty of doing this to ourselves.  We think we aren't good enough when in reality we are good enough. Just like we are our own worst critic.  When you tear someone down who has depression or anxiety our mental state gets worse because we have triggers. Anyone who has mental health problems don't need people who are going to be toxic. Some of us have suffered abuse. We have to build ourselves up. Rath

So, I decided yesterday that for my health and myself that I would start working out. I will tell you about my journey as I go. So it is only day 2. I am starting out with 30 minute walks. I  did a little bit more than walk yesterday.  I walked and did yoga for a little bit . So far today I have only walked 30 minutes.  I might add more time eventually. The past 2 days during my walks I  nearly wanted to give up. The mosquitos were getting me really bad. It was like no. Stop getting me. Anyway. There are days where it is going to be hard and I'll want to give up or I will get bored of it. I  have given up so many times. Gotten discouraged a lot. I am going to try to do better because I have to. I  will let you know how it goes.

Part of me wants to try to put myself back out there to date. Another part is like no. With everything going on right now it's like how do you date anyway. I don't want short term relationship or just a fling. I deserve more than a fling. When it comes to where to meet people,  I just don't know.  Someone said a dating app. I have had way to many bad experiences that my youngest son told me I was grounded from dating apps. Yes, I know he's the child but I  kept choosing horrible men. I know it will happen when it happens and sometimes I just wonder.  There are times where I am not patient enough and that is where I went wrong.  If you think you might be the one tell me. Just kidding.  I have people online who haven't talked to  me much be like marry me. No. No. No. I do not know you.

Today was my neurologist appointment about my migraines.  They are getting a little better.  I have to schedule a MRI. Started me on another medication.  Found out that Medicaid doesn't cover the dental peice for sleep apnea and it cost about $1,000 which I don't have. Was told just see what ears, nose, and throat doctor have to say. I will be glad to have it all figured out.  I will let you know more when I have more answers.

Alexis has met a new character and we aren't fully sure what to think of him yet because of what other characters have told her. She has talked with this character but he is very new. Part of her wonders if one of her friendships is going to end up going down the toilet. We shall see.

Please go check out her blog. https://seekingshannon.blogspot.com/?m=1

People are constantly saying don't get married or I am lucky not to be married.  How am I lucky is what I want to know. If you are in a bad relationship and stay that is on you. It is not and should not be about the license itself. Marriage should be about two people who love and care about each other. People who communicate their problems.  Every relationship is going to have its problems. You will fight and that is okay as long as you are not trying to cause emotional or physical abuse. I haven't ever had a very long term relationship nor have I ever been married, yet I have people who come to me with their relationship problems and they aren't talking out the problem with their spouses or significant others.  It isn't doing them any good if they don't communicate. People make it out that I am so lucky. If you settled that is on you not me. If you are unhappy change it. People ask why would I ever want to get married.  For me it would be to have someone who I can

Happy Sunday to you all!! Hope that you had a good week and that all is going well your way. Even if things are going bad just don't give up and keep pushing forward.  I understand it is hard to do. With that being said have a wonderful week ahead. Much love.

I have been single a while now due to choice.  I haven't had the best track record when it comes to relationships.  I don't recall having a relationship over 8 to 6 months. Some were even shorter than that.  For the longest I thought it was my fault. Thought something was wrong with me and know that isn't the case.  I chose guys that weren't worth it and didn't get to know them very well.  I made many mistakes.  Was looking for someone to love me. I don't think any of them did. Had many who used me, lied to me, manipulated me, and worse.  I am not a saint and not saying that I haven't made my mistakes. I wasn't being picky. I settled for less than what I deserve.  I've learnt things the hard way. For once in my life I know what I deserve.  No, one should settle for less. For one I want someone who wants to go on dates, get to k ow me, and love me back. I also want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't leave just because things get bad.

The past is the past Today is now Can't change what we have done Can make it better Stop repeating Learn from past mistakes Set a better example Today is today By-Me

Today I went to the doctor because I have mild sleep apnea. I haven't hardly slept on my CPAP machine because it gives me high anxiety and causes me to freak out. I explained that to the doctor today. The other thing I told my doctor was that I think it might be due to my tonsils being enlarged but I wasn't sure. My tonsils were looked at and the doctor confirmed that. I will be going to see the Ears,Nose, and Throat doctor for that. I was told to call my dentist to see about some mouth peice for sleep apnea patients. The big step I am going to have to take is losing weight which has been a struggle for me. I need to lose 50lbs or possibly more. I have a bad habbit of eating when stressed,  bored, or depressed.  I know I can do this. Hopefully it will help with my sleep apnea and other health problems.  I will keep you updated.

 There are days you just want a break from people.  Sometimes you need a break from people to have peace. Other times you need it to focus on you.  People can be very draining at times even if they don't mean to be. We can all be guilty of this. Then you have some who don't consider your feelings or emotions. There are the types who want you to listen to all of their problems and sometimes it is like they are on repeat. As I said before it is okay to take you time. Don't let others make you feel bad when you do.

Ever have those days you just don't want to get out of bed? That's me. When I go to sleep my mind starts going into overdrive.  The thoughts of what I have to do. Other times I think back to my past which isn't a good place to go due to anxiety.  The stress of every day life. I try my best to think of the good before I go to sleep and sometimes it isn't easy. Just know you are not alone in this. Sometimes I take a bath to relax, work on my writing, watch shows that I enjoy, and other things.

In order to become successful you do need help. You need all the help and support you can get. I am an author and photographer and I haven't made a full big splash yet. I am still working on it. It takes hard work and dedication . You have to work on networking through social media which isn't easy. It is learning about the right hashtags and how to keep people entertained. Something else is communication. You want people to like it, share it, and comment. Word of mouth and people sharing help majorly. Sometimes I do sales or free promotional deals. Though when you do it for free sometimes people take advantage. I haven't gotten the numbers I want in sales or followers,  but I don't give up. When it is your dream or goal it is okay to fail. Just try again. Maybe find people more geared into what you need help with. Do not ever feel ashamed to ask for help. The most famous people didn't get to where they got without someone giving them a chance or taking a risk on th

Happy Labor Day!!🇱🇷

When it comes to friends it's okay to be picky. Quality friends is better than quantity.  If people don't treat you right you have to cut them out of your life. Make time for the people you love and care about.  Actions speak louder than words. Pick up a phone and call and text. Friendship is important. 

Trying to figure out how to finish the end of a Vampire series isn't the easiest thing in the world.  Trying to figure what Alexis really wants to do. She has been doing a lot of searching. Right now she is trying to dig deep to find out who she is because she isn't sure.

So, I like this guy and I am not sure he fully knows I exist. He might know. I'm not sure. People tell me that I should tell him. Here's the thing though, I haven't had the best luck with men when it comes to relationships. Haven't had the best track record you could say. I think the longest relationship may have been 8 months. Most last 6 months or less. I have had some okay relationships but not really.  Have dealt with a lot of emotional abuse. I am okay and have ways that I am coping with it. A lot of them got what they wanted and were on their way. Anyway enough about that.  When it comes to me telling a guy , I like him I am a little afraid of what he might say. You could say I'm a chicken.  🐓🐓🐓 Nobody wants to be rejected.  People tell me I over think and tell me I should just go for it. It is easier said than done. I somewhat flirt with him but not sure if he notices or would notice. As I said I'm a chicken.

Spend time with the people you care about now. Don't put it off. Make those phone calls.  Tell the ones you love that you love them. If you like someone tell them. You might not get another chance. There are times I didn't get to see people again and didn't say what needed to be said. Value the time you have. Make time. No one is ever always busy. Ask people you care about how they are doing. Don't always be the one who messages you.  One day they might die and you wouldn't know because you didn't make time for them. How is it fair for people to always call you, check on you,  and come see you if you don't give them the same common courtesy?!? Have some common courtesy to those who make an effort to be there when you need them.  One day they might have enough.  Spend quality time with the people you love and make time for people who make an effort to be there.

Need silence  Want out of my head Don't want to hear noise Want to tune out the world  Go outside after dark in the woods All I hear is silence and nature  Tune it all out Letting go By-Me 

I have been battling depression since I was a kid. They had me on medications that barely helped. I started hitting rock bottom at the age of 15yrs old when my mom died. The year before that both of my grandparents died about 3 months a part. They were my moms parents.  I had stayed with a friend and her mom during the summer my mom died. I was very close to her. After she died my relationship with my dad and sister suffered. I started skipping school. Fighting with my family.  I wasn't pleasant. I was lying and stealing from my dad. He lost trust. I didn't care about anyone but myself at that time. I was in a dark place in my life. Had to go to a Group home for depression, obedience defiance disorder,  and skipping school. I couldn't stand being there. I was there for 6 months. Did my schooling, group therapy,  and therapy.  After I got out I was okay for a short bit and then spiraled down. Quit school my SR. year of high school and made bad decisions regarding friends and

I finally finished another chapter and am up to chapter 67 I believe. Planning a kids birthday party for this scene.  Alexis has a lot to figure out. She was made a new proposal which she isn't sure she wants to take. Her life has had a lot sadness, loss, and much more. Will she ever cut a break?

Sorry that I haven't wrote in about a week. Last week the kids started school.  They have to wear masks on the bus . The grades go in 2 grades at a time social distanced into the building. They wear masks in school, hand sanitizer,  and social distance during lunch. Scary thing is there was someone who came to school who didn't feel well and works in the cafeteria. It came back they were positive with Covid. I  have asthma. Yes, I  smoke which doesn't help and have heart problems. The last thing I want is to get sick. I am a single parent. Yes, I have people who help me some. My dad can't afford to get it either. Last week my oldest son had a friend who just graduated last year die. Not due to the virus but due to other reasons which were very sad. Giving my son that news was the hardest thing, I have had to do. It broke my heart. Now we are on the second week of school and Friday we will be doing blended virtual learning starting at 7:45 a.m. I have had a lot going o

Today is my kids first day back to school since the schools shut down due to Covid. Part of it worries me and some ways it doesn't. My boys were ready to go back to school. When we had to do school from home it was a nightmare. I don't have internet where I live.  Most providers don't come out here and the ones who do want a lot of money up front. One place said they wanted $300 just to install it.  That is ridiculous. Our routine was off. Emotionally we were all over the place from having to spend that amount of time together. You end up getting on each other's nerves. I would drive to McDonald's or local college and we would sit in the car to try to get homework done. Sometimes the signal would be so weak that we couldn't do it. I was constantly having to explain this problem to teachers. Even when they had packet work some teachers would put online stuff on it and it was like you gave them packets because they have no internet.  It made no sense. They have do

Some people tend to think if you don't talk or support them on social media every day that you automatically hate, dislike them, and much more. We've all had moments when people ignore us that we may or may not think they don't like us. I can understand if you haven't heard from them in months or years. Though I have some friends I don't hear from very often. I know they still care and some I'm unsure of. Sometimes you have to cut your losses. The world doesn't revolve around us even though some think so. Some want you to support them yet they barely support you. You ask how they are doing and take time to show you care. Sometimes you share stuff going on in your life and they treat you like a fan and not a human being. When you follow people and people fan you on certain social media platforms treat them the way you want to be treated. Show them common courtesy. People have lives. They can't always be there for you. If it bothers you that much get off s

It has been a busy week. Hope you all have had a good and productive week. The weekend is almost here. I have been trying to spend more quality time with kids before they go back to school. 

Sometimes we aren't as appreciative of people as we should be.  We don't check to see if they are okay.  Don't thank them for what they've done for us. Another thing is we don't stop and consider their feelings at times. We don't pay it back or do anything nice. It is not okay for us to do that. As people we tend to think people will always be there or they'll say something which isn't true. If they walk out of our lives we can't blame them. We make excuses or put it off. Another thing is we don't always support people as much as they support us. We need to stop making excuses by being more appreciative by showing people we truly do care. Also by giving others equal support.

Why is life so hard? It is hard because we decide to make it that way at times. People will give us a warning or tell us how it is, but we think our way is right so we take the different path and then ask ourselves why didn't we listen. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way because there is no telling us. We make our own choices and decisions that we have to live with for the rest of our lives.  People warn us usually because they have already been there and done that. Sometimes we need to learn to listen. Other times life is going to happen. It is up to us on whether we try to make it better.

Right now it just seems like the world could use some happiness. Though I think as people we lose track of happiness regardless. I think it's important to remember what makes us happy. Material possessions and money can always be replaced.  People can not. It is spending time with people we care about,  texting,  calling, or even mail from the ones we care about.  It is about quality time.  Doing things you love. Examples would be dancing, music,  movie time, reading,  writing,  coloring,  painting, taking pictures,  swimming,  walking,  and much more. It's watching the sun rises or sunset. It is about spreading love and not hate. Showing the world how to set a better example for a better world. People you don't have to like each other. If you don't like each other leave it at that. Don't tear people down.  You don't have to like each other's opinions. It is okay to agree to disagree and move on.  It is not okay to bash each other because they think differen

Life isn't always easy and gets rough sometimes.  There are things in life that are thrown at us unexpected at times. Some of those things can be good or bad. It is a learning experience.  We don't always bounce back from it as quickly as we like. Don't give up hope though. Just because it's bad now doesn't mean you can't pull yourself out of whatever is going on. Sometimes we all need help whether we admit it or not. Just don't cheat yourself on becoming the best version of yourself.  Keep dreaming and making goals.

This is my recent poetry book that I published yesterday. It is now available in paperback and eBook on Amazon and Kindle. Paperback is $10 and Kindle for $2.99. Free on KindleUnlimited.