Struggle with weight

Some might not know this but I've struggled with my weight and stomach problems for many years. It's hard for me to admit. I started having problems with it when I was in fourth grade. I had so many doctors tell me that you have a stomach virus. That go old quick. When I was in my 20's I didn't have health insurance so I had to go to a charitable clinic and that doctor just told me that it was IBS.  I've always ate wrong so I didn't know what was triggering it. I have had a horrible diet for many years. It finally dawned on me that the problem seemed to occur more when I ate dairy product which led me to believe I'm lactose intolerant. Over the years I've just stuffed my face with food. When I got depressed or stressed I felt that I need to eat sweets all the time or fat foods. I'd do it when I was happy as well though. When I'd go to an all you can eat buffet I'd eat so much because my thinking was get your moneys worth. I haven't ever known how to portion out my food. That has been my biggest problem. This year I finally saw a doctor and before I saw the doctor I knew what would be said about my weight. I haven't been happy with my weight in a long time. I don't like my belly. I have been a little lazy but not fully. I'd make excuses of why not to exercise and would put it off. I know I can't do that anymore. I've had people make fun of me over my weight which gave me low self esteem. I didn't need their help beating me up. I do a good job of that with no help. I finally realized that if people can't accept me for who I am then they're not worth my time. I'm slowly making changes in my life. My first step was seeing the doctor. She did lots of blood work and did an x-ray of my belly. I haven't gotten the results back yet. I go back to the doctor at the end of this month. One change I made was changing from 2% milk to lactose free milk. I still mess with the cheese just not much.  I've started working out. There are some days I don't do it and am going to have to get out of that mindset. I'm working on eating portions and trying to realize when I'm full. I'm determined to do this for me and my kids. It's more for me so I can feel even better about myself. I'm slowly learning to love me for who I am. There are days when I get discouraged and have to get in the habit of saying I think I can I think I can to I know I can do this. The first time I went to the grocery store after making this decision it was hard. It's still hard. It hasn't been a full month yet.  All the sugary foods taunt me.Someone told me that I don't have to cut it all out and that I'd just have to make sure that one piece of something sugary is okay once in a while. They told me not to torture myself or I'd fall back into that old rut and I don't want to do that. I'm just going to keep my head up and work on it the best that I can.

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