Amy Stark's Books

Don't try to push people to like you because it will run them off. If you start being clingy or acting all attached when you barely know them more than likely they will want to run. Take time to get to know people.  Be a friend first.  Saying I love you after a day or week of knowing someone isn't a wise idea either. In the beginning you are only attracted to how they look. You don't really know much about each other until month 6 and even then not fully.  Don't treat people like a piece of meat. If you have expectations of people be ready to be let down and disappointed which is on you not them. First dates should be getting a soda or some kind of beverage to talk or just some place in public to talk. You can't talk at a movie and to much can happen in the dark.  I  think dating is important along with boundaries a little bit.  Most people want to rush things. Slow down people and take your time.  Establish whether you like each other.  Call and ...

 Right now at this point in my life I am focusing on bettering myself.  I'm working on my mental and physical health.  I think I am slowly making progress.  Other days I am not so sure.  One day I would like to work on dating again. I haven't had the best luck when it has come to men. Part of that is my own fault because I rushed things and didn't get to know them. There were times I didn't respect myself and thought I didn't deserve the best so I settled. Was used, lied to, manipulated,  emotionally abused,  and more. Some things I will not discuss or share. I know now that I deserve someone who is going to accept me for me,  love me back, wants me for more than a piece of meat, respects me, and much more.  Someone who isn't going to lie or cheat on me. I could go on and on. I  know it will happen when it happens. I am not looking for a fling. Enough about that. Writing helps a lot of my mental health.  Walking helps my physical an...

 So many people have lost their way.  I have lost my way before also and sometimes still do. Sometimes we choose to take the hard way. There are times we should have listened.  It isn't ever to late to get back on track. So many are filled with hate. It is sad really. It takes less energy to dislike people than hate them. It is okay not to like the actions of people or how they treat you. It is okay to walk away from those people.  I know it isn't always easy to love people. Sometimes we say that others don't deserve love and I disagree with that. Everyone deserves love. Maybe if we as people set better examples just maybe things would get better and maybe even the most horrible people can learn from us. It is about being kind. Sometimes just asking someone how they are doing helps. Another example maybe if you smile at someone it could change their day. It is possible that people need help. There is nothing wrong with needing help. Stop tearing people down. We do th...

 Today makes 2 weeks that I started walking for 30 minutes.  I have had a few cokes. I'm going to just limit my take on how much rather than not have certain foods every now and then.  Maybe I will see better results that way. Next week is start of week 3 and I need to try to up the amount of time I walk and maybe find new places to walk so that I will continue to stay motivated even though it's hard. In the past I get discouraged or bored and give up.  For once I want to really try. 

 Sometimes you end up bending over backwards supporting others. Do they support you? Are they there for you? Some are there for you and support you as much as you support them.  Others don't do anything for you.  Yet you see how they support other people.  There are days all you do is listen and when you talk about you or try to finish a story they change the subject. Some people just want to take and take some more. It happens in real life and online. Some are only there when it is convenient for them. The many excuses you hear. People who care of love you make time. No one is always busy. It only takes a few minutes to ask how are you doing or say hi.  Some of them post all over social media and say they don't have time which makes you want to roll your eyes into the back of your head.  That or they say they don't have time for you , but make time for other people.  This is how friendships are lost along with relationships.  Sometimes you have t...

 Some days I just have days where I need to think alone. Sometimes I don't want to deal with people and want to isolate myself.  Being around people sometimes can be draining and that doesn't matter if you care about them. Everyone needs space sometimes.  There are times you have to be like hey people I am not peopling it today.  It isn't anything against them and sometimes it is against them.  Sometimes you just need YOU days. That doesn't make you selfish. We all need days to shut the world out. Part of it might be our depression or anxiety. It might just mean that you just need to relax with no interruptions. If people can't respect that it is possible you need to say something or cut them out of your life. 

 Today was another rainy walk. At first I thought of putting off my walk today because it was pouring down rain.  I took the walk because I know that I can't give up. Between the rain and wind I was happy to have that walk over for the day. I know I can't give up to get results.  There are days I get discouraged and that just means keep pushing. Sometimes you have to work really hard to accomplish what you want in life.

 In order to grow in life sometimes we have to make changes. Change can be scary. Some get stuck in a rut because they don't want to change. Sometimes we have to take those big leaps to achieve our dreams and goals.  Sometimes we have to do things in life that we don't like doing which is drilled into us by many people. There are times we have to get out of our comfort zone that we love so much. If you don't work on it you won't see results. You have to keep trying and not give up hope.Growth as a person is important. Sometimes you will fail.  Failure isn't a bad thing.  Even some of the most successful people have failed at something in life. They didn't become successful by not changing the outcome.  We are all a work in progress. It might be making friends,  moving to a new place, a job, emotionally,  and physically.  It can be anything you choose to work on. It does take work and you don't always see results right away. Take small steps to get...

 Today I woke up and it's raining outside and I thought oh no my walk. I have been trying to walk 30 minutes every day. Even though it's raining I took my 30 minute walk. I found a poncho to wear and went for my walk in the rain and mud. I live on a dirt road that gets super muddy. I am going to keep trying to do my best which is all I can do.

 This weekend has truly been an eye opener.  When it comes to people you try to give them the benefit of the doubt and it isn't that you trust people. People have to earn trust so at first you give them the benefit of the doubt.  The moment they break that trust  or lie to you  that is when you start questioning should I keep this person around. If they tell one lie will they lie again.  The probability depending upon the lie is whether you can trust them again. Also you have to think were they doing it to cover their own butt, selfish reasons, or what. Sometimes you just have to cut those people out of your life because they are toxic. Yes, we have all told a lie at some point in our lives.  We are all guilty. Lies and secrets always have a way of coming out.  I am not perfect and make mistakes also. We all do. Live and learn from it. Sometimes we repeat mistakes over and over again.  I have come to a point in my life that if people who are ...

 I wasn't sure how motivated I would be to go for my morning walk since it's a Saturday.  My oldest son woke me up and asked me whether I was going to take my morning walk. Him asking me whether I was going to take my walk or not motivated me to walk. I had a moment of weakness last night and ate later than I needed to. It is only week one of trying to make better health choices.  There are days I will struggle and have to try and try again. Not giving up.

This weekend I am going to work on my walking so more and I have a feeling I am going to struggle on the weekends.  I am going to do my best which is all I can do. I am going to watch more of my shows on Netflix.  When I am not doing that I will be writing or reading. I might do some streaming on YouNow. Debating on making new videos for YouTube. Spend time with kids. Not sure what I will get done. I will let you know how that all goes and works out. What are you doing for your weekend? Have a wonderful weekend.

In today's writing one of Alexis's friends wants to  make things good. He doesn't want to lose her. Will it get better? Time will tell.

Today was day 4 of my work out. I did my 30 minute walk. It  was a battle of mosquitoes which was a nightmare.  Since I have started walking, I have seen many of 5hem. I have also started working on a little yoga and stretching.  I am pacing myself.  Along my journey I will keep you updated.

Alexis talked to a friend who helped her understand the new character I just added. This friend feels like she deserved better answers considering how his wife and brother  -n- law acted. They didn't handle themselves right which in turn made Alexisva little upset and mad. She doesn't respond well to people telling her what to do or who she can or can not talk to. Still trying to cram a lot into this chapter so I can move on to the next chapter.

When it comes to mental health it is something you should take care of. Depression and anxiety can make your physical health worse than what it could be. I suffer from depression and anxiety.  Some days are better than others.  It is a battle that's for sure. I got the help I needed to try to help become the best me that I can be. I am slowly making changes and trying the best that I can.  Sometimes I go to a dark place and don't mean to. It happens though.  Sometimes I am super hard on myself.  Our worst enemy is ourselves. We don't need people to tear us down. We are guilty of doing this to ourselves.  We think we aren't good enough when in reality we are good enough. Just like we are our own worst critic.  When you tear someone down who has depression or anxiety our mental state gets worse because we have triggers. Anyone who has mental health problems don't need people who are going to be toxic. Some of us have suffered abuse. We have to build ours...

So, I decided yesterday that for my health and myself that I would start working out. I will tell you about my journey as I go. So it is only day 2. I am starting out with 30 minute walks. I  did a little bit more than walk yesterday.  I walked and did yoga for a little bit . So far today I have only walked 30 minutes.  I might add more time eventually. The past 2 days during my walks I  nearly wanted to give up. The mosquitos were getting me really bad. It was like no. Stop getting me. Anyway. There are days where it is going to be hard and I'll want to give up or I will get bored of it. I  have given up so many times. Gotten discouraged a lot. I am going to try to do better because I have to. I  will let you know how it goes.

Part of me wants to try to put myself back out there to date. Another part is like no. With everything going on right now it's like how do you date anyway. I don't want short term relationship or just a fling. I deserve more than a fling. When it comes to where to meet people,  I just don't know.  Someone said a dating app. I have had way to many bad experiences that my youngest son told me I was grounded from dating apps. Yes, I know he's the child but I  kept choosing horrible men. I know it will happen when it happens and sometimes I just wonder.  There are times where I am not patient enough and that is where I went wrong.  If you think you might be the one tell me. Just kidding.  I have people online who haven't talked to  me much be like marry me. No. No. No. I do not know you.

Today was my neurologist appointment about my migraines.  They are getting a little better.  I have to schedule a MRI. Started me on another medication.  Found out that Medicaid doesn't cover the dental peice for sleep apnea and it cost about $1,000 which I don't have. Was told just see what ears, nose, and throat doctor have to say. I will be glad to have it all figured out.  I will let you know more when I have more answers.

Alexis has met a new character and we aren't fully sure what to think of him yet because of what other characters have told her. She has talked with this character but he is very new. Part of her wonders if one of her friendships is going to end up going down the toilet. We shall see.

Please go check out her blog. https://seekingshannon.blogspot.com/?m=1

People are constantly saying don't get married or I am lucky not to be married.  How am I lucky is what I want to know. If you are in a bad relationship and stay that is on you. It is not and should not be about the license itself. Marriage should be about two people who love and care about each other. People who communicate their problems.  Every relationship is going to have its problems. You will fight and that is okay as long as you are not trying to cause emotional or physical abuse. I haven't ever had a very long term relationship nor have I ever been married, yet I have people who come to me with their relationship problems and they aren't talking out the problem with their spouses or significant others.  It isn't doing them any good if they don't communicate. People make it out that I am so lucky. If you settled that is on you not me. If you are unhappy change it. People ask why would I ever want to get married.  For me it would be to have someone who I can ...

Happy Sunday to you all!! Hope that you had a good week and that all is going well your way. Even if things are going bad just don't give up and keep pushing forward.  I understand it is hard to do. With that being said have a wonderful week ahead. Much love.

I have been single a while now due to choice.  I haven't had the best track record when it comes to relationships.  I don't recall having a relationship over 8 to 6 months. Some were even shorter than that.  For the longest I thought it was my fault. Thought something was wrong with me and know that isn't the case.  I chose guys that weren't worth it and didn't get to know them very well.  I made many mistakes.  Was looking for someone to love me. I don't think any of them did. Had many who used me, lied to me, manipulated me, and worse.  I am not a saint and not saying that I haven't made my mistakes. I wasn't being picky. I settled for less than what I deserve.  I've learnt things the hard way. For once in my life I know what I deserve.  No, one should settle for less. For one I want someone who wants to go on dates, get to k ow me, and love me back. I also want someone who accepts me for who I am and doesn't leave just because things get b...

The past is the past Today is now Can't change what we have done Can make it better Stop repeating Learn from past mistakes Set a better example Today is today By-Me

Today I went to the doctor because I have mild sleep apnea. I haven't hardly slept on my CPAP machine because it gives me high anxiety and causes me to freak out. I explained that to the doctor today. The other thing I told my doctor was that I think it might be due to my tonsils being enlarged but I wasn't sure. My tonsils were looked at and the doctor confirmed that. I will be going to see the Ears,Nose, and Throat doctor for that. I was told to call my dentist to see about some mouth peice for sleep apnea patients. The big step I am going to have to take is losing weight which has been a struggle for me. I need to lose 50lbs or possibly more. I have a bad habbit of eating when stressed,  bored, or depressed.  I know I can do this. Hopefully it will help with my sleep apnea and other health problems.  I will keep you updated.

 There are days you just want a break from people.  Sometimes you need a break from people to have peace. Other times you need it to focus on you.  People can be very draining at times even if they don't mean to be. We can all be guilty of this. Then you have some who don't consider your feelings or emotions. There are the types who want you to listen to all of their problems and sometimes it is like they are on repeat. As I said before it is okay to take you time. Don't let others make you feel bad when you do.

Ever have those days you just don't want to get out of bed? That's me. When I go to sleep my mind starts going into overdrive.  The thoughts of what I have to do. Other times I think back to my past which isn't a good place to go due to anxiety.  The stress of every day life. I try my best to think of the good before I go to sleep and sometimes it isn't easy. Just know you are not alone in this. Sometimes I take a bath to relax, work on my writing, watch shows that I enjoy, and other things.

In order to become successful you do need help. You need all the help and support you can get. I am an author and photographer and I haven't made a full big splash yet. I am still working on it. It takes hard work and dedication . You have to work on networking through social media which isn't easy. It is learning about the right hashtags and how to keep people entertained. Something else is communication. You want people to like it, share it, and comment. Word of mouth and people sharing help majorly. Sometimes I do sales or free promotional deals. Though when you do it for free sometimes people take advantage. I haven't gotten the numbers I want in sales or followers,  but I don't give up. When it is your dream or goal it is okay to fail. Just try again. Maybe find people more geared into what you need help with. Do not ever feel ashamed to ask for help. The most famous people didn't get to where they got without someone giving them a chance or taking a risk on th...

Happy Labor Day!!🇱🇷

When it comes to friends it's okay to be picky. Quality friends is better than quantity.  If people don't treat you right you have to cut them out of your life. Make time for the people you love and care about.  Actions speak louder than words. Pick up a phone and call and text. Friendship is important. 

Trying to figure out how to finish the end of a Vampire series isn't the easiest thing in the world.  Trying to figure what Alexis really wants to do. She has been doing a lot of searching. Right now she is trying to dig deep to find out who she is because she isn't sure.

So, I like this guy and I am not sure he fully knows I exist. He might know. I'm not sure. People tell me that I should tell him. Here's the thing though, I haven't had the best luck with men when it comes to relationships. Haven't had the best track record you could say. I think the longest relationship may have been 8 months. Most last 6 months or less. I have had some okay relationships but not really.  Have dealt with a lot of emotional abuse. I am okay and have ways that I am coping with it. A lot of them got what they wanted and were on their way. Anyway enough about that.  When it comes to me telling a guy , I like him I am a little afraid of what he might say. You could say I'm a chicken.  🐓🐓🐓 Nobody wants to be rejected.  People tell me I over think and tell me I should just go for it. It is easier said than done. I somewhat flirt with him but not sure if he notices or would notice. As I said I'm a chicken.

Spend time with the people you care about now. Don't put it off. Make those phone calls.  Tell the ones you love that you love them. If you like someone tell them. You might not get another chance. There are times I didn't get to see people again and didn't say what needed to be said. Value the time you have. Make time. No one is ever always busy. Ask people you care about how they are doing. Don't always be the one who messages you.  One day they might die and you wouldn't know because you didn't make time for them. How is it fair for people to always call you, check on you,  and come see you if you don't give them the same common courtesy?!? Have some common courtesy to those who make an effort to be there when you need them.  One day they might have enough.  Spend quality time with the people you love and make time for people who make an effort to be there.

Need silence  Want out of my head Don't want to hear noise Want to tune out the world  Go outside after dark in the woods All I hear is silence and nature  Tune it all out Letting go By-Me 

I have been battling depression since I was a kid. They had me on medications that barely helped. I started hitting rock bottom at the age of 15yrs old when my mom died. The year before that both of my grandparents died about 3 months a part. They were my moms parents.  I had stayed with a friend and her mom during the summer my mom died. I was very close to her. After she died my relationship with my dad and sister suffered. I started skipping school. Fighting with my family.  I wasn't pleasant. I was lying and stealing from my dad. He lost trust. I didn't care about anyone but myself at that time. I was in a dark place in my life. Had to go to a Group home for depression, obedience defiance disorder,  and skipping school. I couldn't stand being there. I was there for 6 months. Did my schooling, group therapy,  and therapy.  After I got out I was okay for a short bit and then spiraled down. Quit school my SR. year of high school and made bad decisions regarding...

I finally finished another chapter and am up to chapter 67 I believe. Planning a kids birthday party for this scene.  Alexis has a lot to figure out. She was made a new proposal which she isn't sure she wants to take. Her life has had a lot sadness, loss, and much more. Will she ever cut a break?

Sorry that I haven't wrote in about a week. Last week the kids started school.  They have to wear masks on the bus . The grades go in 2 grades at a time social distanced into the building. They wear masks in school, hand sanitizer,  and social distance during lunch. Scary thing is there was someone who came to school who didn't feel well and works in the cafeteria. It came back they were positive with Covid. I  have asthma. Yes, I  smoke which doesn't help and have heart problems. The last thing I want is to get sick. I am a single parent. Yes, I have people who help me some. My dad can't afford to get it either. Last week my oldest son had a friend who just graduated last year die. Not due to the virus but due to other reasons which were very sad. Giving my son that news was the hardest thing, I have had to do. It broke my heart. Now we are on the second week of school and Friday we will be doing blended virtual learning starting at 7:45 a.m. I have had a lot goin...