Me living with depression

Even though I have depression,anxiety, PTSD, and have been through abuse, I am a person not just my diagnosis. I've been battling these things for years. I've been called crazy,  lazy,  told to get over it, your worthless, and many other things.  I've also heard things like ignore it. I thought there was something wrong with me and it was my fault. Yes, I did make bad choices sometimes that were my fault,but  I stopped taking the blame and stopped blaming myself for the bad things people did to me. My depression spiraled out of control when I lost my mom. I quit school my SR year. Fighting with my family is all I did is how it felt sometimes. I withdrew from a lot of my friends but it wasn't like they tried to be there for me really. I kept choosing toxic friends and boyfriends. People who were down right negative.  Listening to people talk about my weight, calling me lazy, crazy,and much more.They used me for money,food, place to stay, or whatever.  I have dealt with a lot of narcissistic people who mentally abused me. I would go into a shell and go through the motions.  So many over the years have said I am your friend and I will be there for you.  Where are they now? Most don't pick up phone to call or text me let alone come see me. Many have become acquaintances or strangers.  I have cut many out of my life because people who care about each other make time for each other.  I write to help me with a lot. Sometimes just going for a ride or sitting outside helps me. Therapy has helped me a lot because it is a way for me to educate myself and talk about my feelings without judgment. So many want to judge. Yes, I am sharing a little.  You don't know my whole story and even if you did that barely scratches the surface. Don't pity me or feel sorry for me. I am working through my problems. If you are going through any of this I hope it inspires you to better you. I used to think men were the solution to my problems. Thinking maybe I can fix or save this one or maybe this one will love me or to feel something or feel nothing.  All it did was made me feel empty and numb. Other times I would be like why do I keep doing this.  I learnt my lesson the hard way. I was trying to fill a void the wrong way. On and off through the years I would bottle my feelings off or shut them off which isn't healthy.  Talking about them and expressing them helps. I write poetry and books to cope. Writing is my happy place.  Spending time with my kids doing game nights or movies nights or whatever quality time I get with them helps. I'm a work in progress. I keep trying even when I fail. I have come a long way. I know I deserve better.  I will not settle   for  less.  I will keep trying even if I fail. 

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