Something about me that y'all might not know
Over the years I used to believe that when people called me crazy that I was crazy which made me lose part of myself. They thought I was crazy because I believed differently than them. It made me feel bad about myself and I just wanted to curl up in a hole.
I had people who picked on me for being different which also made me feel bad about myself. Constantly torn down. Got made fun of over how my hair looked, clothes I wore, being myself, called fat, loser, and much more. I started believing them. I struggle with my weight and always have. Tried many different things and sometimes the results would be small. Made bad choices with men. They got what they wanted most of the time. Used me, lied to me, eat up all my food, cheat on me, manipulate, make me not feel good enough, and made me feel unwanted and unloved.
I didn't even love myself so at that point in time I had no respect for myself. Thought maybe this guy will be different or maybe this one will love me.
I have struggled with relationships and friendships a lot over the years. Dealt with a lot of toxic people. I have isolated myself from people because it is a tool to not get hurt.
It is a nightmare I can't wake up from. Playing with peoples emotions and feelings isn't right. It is down right cruel.
I crawl into a shell a lot because I am so afraid of being hurt over and over again.
Words hurt just as much as physical abuse. There are nights I have cried myself to sleep or not been able to sleep because it replays over and over in my mind.
I've had people make me feel like I was nothing and really did believe that for a long time. Believed that I was nothing and a nobody.
Also have had people call me every name in the book.
Been told I was ugly and that nobody would want me. Told that nobody would ever love me.
It broke me badly. Days I didn't even want to exist anymore. I didn't want to keep going.
Didn't like myself let alone others. Would beat myself up over how others treated me. Kept apologizing. I'd let them walk all over me like I was a door mat. Did they care about me? No. Did they love me? No. Did they help me after I bent over to help them? No. Did they listen to me? No.
They didn't care about me. All they care about is themselves.
I lost my mom at the age of fifteen and this all piled up over the years. My depression got the worst of me. I was not at a good place in my life. I didn't care. You were lucky to see me get out of bed.
I had quit school. Got mixed up with the wrong friends. Didn't love myself. Felt dead inside. Hated the world and people. I blame them as much as I blame myself.
One day I finally decided things had to change after talking with different people. I got to where I got the confidence to drive further. At first I didn't drive far because I was always being told, I wasn't ready or you can't do it.
I don't like being told to do much as well as I don't like being told I can't do something. That was one of my first accomplishments and it made me feel better about myself. I also learnt that I have to take care of myself and focus on me. I went back to school and got my GED and went on to college where I got my Technical Certificate in Photography.
Having my boys is what made me have to retrain my thinking. I don't always make the right choices. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I've learnt what people say doesn't matter. Be yourself rather than what other people want you to be. I know I'm not a loser. I am beautiful. I am lovable.
Writing and photography are my ways to help cope. I have learnt that just because the world is cruel that you don't have to turn cold. Not saying it isn't a struggle because it is a struggle. I have learned to love myself. Learned in order to move forward you have to forgive those who hurt you and not for them but for your peace of mind. That doesn't mean you won't forget the lesson. I have repeated many mistakes in my life over and over again. Sometimes you repeat them until you learn something.
I don't give up on the chance of someone accepting me as I am and loving me back. I work towards my dreams and goals.
You should do the same.
I had people who picked on me for being different which also made me feel bad about myself. Constantly torn down. Got made fun of over how my hair looked, clothes I wore, being myself, called fat, loser, and much more. I started believing them. I struggle with my weight and always have. Tried many different things and sometimes the results would be small. Made bad choices with men. They got what they wanted most of the time. Used me, lied to me, eat up all my food, cheat on me, manipulate, make me not feel good enough, and made me feel unwanted and unloved.
I didn't even love myself so at that point in time I had no respect for myself. Thought maybe this guy will be different or maybe this one will love me.
I have struggled with relationships and friendships a lot over the years. Dealt with a lot of toxic people. I have isolated myself from people because it is a tool to not get hurt.
It is a nightmare I can't wake up from. Playing with peoples emotions and feelings isn't right. It is down right cruel.
I crawl into a shell a lot because I am so afraid of being hurt over and over again.
Words hurt just as much as physical abuse. There are nights I have cried myself to sleep or not been able to sleep because it replays over and over in my mind.
I've had people make me feel like I was nothing and really did believe that for a long time. Believed that I was nothing and a nobody.
Also have had people call me every name in the book.
Been told I was ugly and that nobody would want me. Told that nobody would ever love me.
It broke me badly. Days I didn't even want to exist anymore. I didn't want to keep going.
Didn't like myself let alone others. Would beat myself up over how others treated me. Kept apologizing. I'd let them walk all over me like I was a door mat. Did they care about me? No. Did they love me? No. Did they help me after I bent over to help them? No. Did they listen to me? No.
They didn't care about me. All they care about is themselves.
I lost my mom at the age of fifteen and this all piled up over the years. My depression got the worst of me. I was not at a good place in my life. I didn't care. You were lucky to see me get out of bed.
I had quit school. Got mixed up with the wrong friends. Didn't love myself. Felt dead inside. Hated the world and people. I blame them as much as I blame myself.
One day I finally decided things had to change after talking with different people. I got to where I got the confidence to drive further. At first I didn't drive far because I was always being told, I wasn't ready or you can't do it.
I don't like being told to do much as well as I don't like being told I can't do something. That was one of my first accomplishments and it made me feel better about myself. I also learnt that I have to take care of myself and focus on me. I went back to school and got my GED and went on to college where I got my Technical Certificate in Photography.
Having my boys is what made me have to retrain my thinking. I don't always make the right choices. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I've learnt what people say doesn't matter. Be yourself rather than what other people want you to be. I know I'm not a loser. I am beautiful. I am lovable.
Writing and photography are my ways to help cope. I have learnt that just because the world is cruel that you don't have to turn cold. Not saying it isn't a struggle because it is a struggle. I have learned to love myself. Learned in order to move forward you have to forgive those who hurt you and not for them but for your peace of mind. That doesn't mean you won't forget the lesson. I have repeated many mistakes in my life over and over again. Sometimes you repeat them until you learn something.
I don't give up on the chance of someone accepting me as I am and loving me back. I work towards my dreams and goals.
You should do the same.
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